From Dating Disaster To Dating Master – Extended Read
Chapter two
Master the art of flirting
It’s been ages since you’ve been out on the “prowl” and actually engaged in a real meaningful interaction with the opposite sex. Quite frankly your social skills or lack thereof leave something to be desired. This is due to the fact that unless you are chatting via: FaceBook, Twitter, IM, Skype or texting, you refuse to hold a REAL conversation. Why jaw jack away on the phone when you can type a message just as easy? Why call someone when you can when you have your favorite social network preprogrammed into your phone? You can have dialect with your friends and loved ones all day long and never have to hear their voice.
Technology has turned our once human face to face encounters into one line texts. The highlight of your day was the fact that your boo “mentioned” you on Twitter. It’s no wonder when confronted with the possibility of flirting with an attractive person IN REAL LIFE you either clam up, say something dumb, or even worse don’t say anything at all. In this chapter I will share tips for flirting EFFECTIVELY. The right facial expression, body language, and words can make all the difference. Remember Mr. X from chapter one? Remember how badly he irritated the young lady he was trying to get to know? Remember how he followed her from isle to isle? And let’s not forget how he INSISTED on making his move while she was in the middle of her transaction. Now that we have discussed his clothing we will move forward to his body language. Don’t worry fellas, who are reading this, we don’t let the ladies off the hook. There is a lesson for them in this chapter as well.
Ok guys first things first. It doesn’t matter if you are in a club or at a market. At a bank or at a game, there is a way to approach someone you find attractive. Walking by someone casually and giving them the “eye” is a lot different than staring at them on what you think is the sly tip. Following them from isle to isle is not where it’s at. This is called stalking, people! Now let’s say you see that lady who catches your eye. Your approach depends solely on what she is doing. That means if she is on her cell phone WAIT UNTIL SHE IS DONE. This is a common complaint among women. They find it very rude. Not only because you are interrupting her conversation, but also because she could very well be talking to her significant other on the other end.
I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me and I wanted to scream “Dude! Wait till I get off the phone!” The correct approach is to get her attention by saying hello and asking if you can have a few minutes of her time. Unless it’s really an important call she will hang up if she’s interested. If you happen to be in a position where you are pressed for time, politely pass her your number and K.I.M. That means keep it moving. Holding a conversation with her while she is holding one with someone else on the phone will get you the side eye every time.
Also pay attention to her attitude towards the people around her. If she’s scowling at every person that walks by, grunting single word answers to questions, and her top lip looks like she just smelled a pile of horse shit. Chances are she’s either having a bad day or just a total bitch. In any case you increase your chances of getting shot down by even approaching this woman. The “why are you looking so mean?” or “you’re too pretty to be frowning” doesn’t work. In fact I’m gonna let you guys in n a little secret. A lot of times a frown is a woman’s best defense (and worst enemy). A lot of women come off with a bitchy demeanor on purpose. They WANT to keep men from approaching them. Granted there will be times when you can break the ice. If you choose to do so with this type of woman I would advise you to tread lightly and not over step your boundaries. Say hello AND THAT’S IT. Her body language and tone of voice will determine if you should proceed. If her body tenses up, she snaps back at you, hardly opens her mouth to speak back, or says nothing at all K.I.M. However, if her facial expression softens, she smiles, or she greets you back with a warm hello, you are in. You can now break the ice by complimenting her on either something she’s wearing, the color of her eyes, the fragrance she’s wearing, maybe even her hair style. If you are in a store you could also try asking her opinion on the shirt you plan on picking up, or how to choose the perfect melon. At this point you will get a better vibe on her personality. If she brushes you off, K.I.M. At least you haven’t wasted your breath and time by asking for her number off the bat. A woman who is interested will respond with friendly conversation even if she’s had a rough day.
What if you are at a nightclub and you spot some eye candy just across the way? The only thing is she’s with her girls. Fellas the last thing you want to do is approach a woman while she is with her entourage. Your key objective is to get her away from the crowd so you can have her to yourself.
The first thing you will need to do is WATCH HER BODY LANGUAGE. Is she dancing in her seat like she is just waiting for someone to come over and ask her to cut the rug? When you make eye contact with her does she give you “the look?” You know the look I’m speaking of, the “come and get me” “I’m yours” look. Or does she roll her eyes in disgust and never give you a second glance. Keep in mind that looking away, depending on how it’s done is a form of flirting as well. The thing you need to pick up on is how often her eyes catch yours. Does she look at you then coyly look away like a shy little girl? This is a flirting technique. Is she mirroring your moves? This is a dead giveaway that she is flirting with YOU. By mirroring I mean does she sip from her glass the same time you do? Or maybe she’s tapping her finger on the table to the beat of the music, just like you are doing. Another dead giveaway of flirting done by both sexes is primping. It’s done subconsciously. Usually before a man approaches a woman or vice versa. Is she applying lipstick or lip gloss? Is she tousling her hair? Or straightening her clothes? These are some of the more subtle ways a woman flirts. The more obvious ones would be her twirling a piece of hair, batting her eyes, winking, or playing with a piece of jewelry. Lifting her hair to expose her neck or removing a shawl or jacket or undoing her top button to expose more skin are giveaways as well. Now I know you are thinking “how do I know she’s not just removing her jacket because she is warm?” That could very well be the case, but if she’s doing it in conjunction with any of the things I previously mentioned, chances are she flirting with you. Another sign would be casually “touching” you. This could be anything from her picking a piece of lint from off your clothing to touching your arm when she laughs at your jokes. Keep in mind every person is different. This chapter is a guideline as to what to look out for as far as the dos and don’ts of flirting.
Another thing you will want to keep a watchful eye for is how she is treating other men that approach her. Is she rude? Do her and her friends laugh and joke as she gives him the brush off? This is a sign that you might want to give this one a second thought. Ok now that we have observed her body language; let’s talk about what your approach will look like. As I previously stated, the worst thing you can do is make your move while she is at a table full of women. You need to either catch her on the way back from the restroom or at the bar, or ask her to dance. Another thing you can do at this point to mess up the scenario is use some cheesy “pick up line.” Your best move it to step to the woman straight forward and ask her how she is doing, let her know that you find her attractive and would like to get to know a little more about her. Ask her if it would be ok if you guys exchange numbers. Preparation is also key; it wouldn’t kill you to have your number already written down on a slip of paper in your wallet. This will avoid you from trying to find a pen in the heat of the moment. Keep in mind, smiling while making eye contact with your “target” is one of your best flirting moves as well as throwing out a compliment or two. Your body language is also key to your success. There is NOTHING WORST than a man that slouches. This screams either laziness or lack of confidence. In case you haven’t heard: NEWSFLASH! Women LOVE men who are confident within themselves. Make sure you are standing straight, and walking straight as well. Sliding your feet is not an option.
If you have followed the advice in chapter one and dressed for the hunt. You look good and smell good, and you are well groomed, the only thing that can mess your moves is what comes out of your mouth. Keep in mind when you are dressing for a night out on the town DO NOT bathe yourself in cologne, wear your shiny suit from 1980,have your shirt unbuttoned down so far that all that taco meat that you call hair shows on your chest, or sport every piece of jewelry that you own. A ring on every finger is not a good look and screams pimp daddy with brass knuckles verses a gentleman with class.
The next thing you will want to do in any setting is to pay attention to the age category of the woman you are approaching. Unless she is really young, by young I mean 18 to 20. You can stop with all the “slang” cat calls, and nicknames. Let me put a disclaimer out there and say not every young woman likes this approach. And not every older woman hates it. It’s just that a grown maturewoman will find you silly and childish. Notice that I said mature woman? That doesn’t mean she is old. That just means she doesn’t take well to the junior high school approach from a grown ass man. The women that do accept this behavior are either lacking in in self-confidence themselves or desperate for a man. Yeah I said it! This is why many men feel like their “lines” work, and they keep up this tomfoolery. It’s because some women accept it. A lady with any type of class will want you to step to her straightforward and with confidence. There is no “magic” line or secret move to make a woman want you. If you have put your best foot forward and made every effort to get to know her and she doesn’t respond. You need to K.I.M. She is not worth your time, so why insist on beating a dead horse? There are plenty of fish in the sea.
One of the best pieces of advice a can give to men (and women) is HAVE CONFIDENCE! Don’t let the actions of one person shooting you down mess up your “swag.” Don’t wear your feelings out on your sleeve and let rejection effect you. Instead look upon these encounters as “practice.” Assess the situation and decide if you could have done anything differently. If not, don’t worry yourself over it. Just keep in mind that for every woman that tells you no, there is another that will say yes. Keep looking until you get your yes.
“Men aren’t shit!” “They are all dogs!” These are some of the topics of some of the conversations you ladies are having with your friends. You already have your mind set on the fact that every guy that approaches you is up to no good, for that reason he MUST get the stank face when he attempts to say hello. Other conversations and mind sets include but not limited to: “I don’t need a man.”,”I can do bad all by myself.”,”What can a man do for me?”,”They all are cheaters.” I have news for you ladies,if you say you don’t need a man than you most certainly won’t get one. This is fine if that’s what you REALLY mean, however many women will spit out these comments all day long in front of their friends, family, and colleges. When in reality they REALLY do want a man. Sometimes they want one bad. The thing is that most of the time they have been beat up on by love so bad that they have given up. They are now what Candace and I consider a “Bitter Betty.” Some women (and men as well) have been hurt so much that they either have given up on finding true love, or resorted to treating every person of the opposite sex that approaches with a an attitude. I am here to tell you ladies, if deep down inside you know that I am describing you, and you know in your heart that you don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life, then it’s time to do some soul searching and decide on what you will do from here on out in terms of dating and relationships. As I stated before at the beginning of this book there are no guarantees that you will not get hurt again. However at least you will understand how to make better choices in your relationships instead of giving up altogether.
After reading the advice given to the men, you have seen some of the proper flirting moves that a lady can make. Now I will move on to what to look out for from the guys. As well as what common mistakes women make when it comes to flirting.
The number one complaint among men that I hear that attempt to approach women is the fact that they don’t speak at all when they say hello. Or they have an”instant attitude.” More complaints include but not limited to; women, who dress provocatively, but pitch a fit if an off handed comment is made about their appearance. This usually comes from the hoochie/hoodrat woman I spoke of in chapter one. Another one is when women automatically assume that a man wants them just because they are trying to say hello. And last but not least sizing them up by how much you ASSUME they make by their outside appearance. Or the lady who wants the man to buy her a drink but can’t even give him five minutes of conversation.
The next common mistake some women make when it comes to flirting is not understanding that even if her body language and demeanor says “hey I’m flirting with you.” Your outfit is screaming “come fuck me now!” This is a huge problem because you are sending out all the wrong signals. If you really think that a man will not stare at your breast if you have them out you are sadly mistaken. There is no way a woman can dress like a stripper and still think she is sending out the same vibes as the woman who is fully clothed. You might be saying “Just because I’m dressed this way doesn’t give men the right to judge me.” And you know what? You are absolutely right. And no one says it’s fair, but just as the men are judged by appearances, so are women. I’m not saying that you won’t have men approaching you. You will most likely have them flocking in droves. However please check your attitude at the door if you are flirting with a man AND you are dressed half naked at the same time. Do not get angry if he has sex on the brain and nothing more. Another bad move some women make is coming on too strong even if they are fully clothed.
This type of woman will flirt shamelessly, dance provocatively. Rubbing herself up against a man. Sit on his lap, and even talk a little trash in his ear about what she can do for him. Yes, this really happens. There are really women out there who do this and then get angry when once again the man suggests that they get a room. You and I both know that this woman is a tease. We all know fully well that even though she exhibits this behavior it still doesn’t give a man the right to try and”take the sex.” Keep in mind that no means no. However playing games for attention is a dangerous and immature move.
I’ve explained earlier what the body language will look like if YOU are flirting ladies. Now let’s talk about the guys. Some of their moves are similar to ours. Such as: mirroring, primping, and sitting/standing up straight. Others include: “the eyebrow raise.” When a man sees a woman that he finds attractive he will inadvertently slightly raise his brows, as if he’s saying”wow!” Primping will look a bit different when it comes to men. When a man spots an interesting female, he may automatically adjust his tie, smooth his collar or brush his shoulder. A man may also pull in his stomach, puff up his chest or stand a little taller. Eye contact is very important in how men flirt. Men who are interested will usually hold their gaze for a little longer than usual. Men may also do what’s called the “triangular formulation” with their eyes. This involves looking eye to eye, then down to a woman’s mouth and chin, down to the rest of her body and back up to her eyes again. He may even “accidentally” bump into you while casually passing by. Some men will actually turn their body towards you, feet pointed towards you. And we can’t forget the open legs. Yes ladies, some men will purposely sit open legged as if giving you the “crotch flash.” If you pay close attention to the body language and actions of the opposite sex it will give you a clearer view as to adjust yourself accordingly and make your move or K.I.M on to the next candidate
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