Sucker Punched By Love – Extended Read
Why Me?
This is a question you may be asking yourself. Why did they choose me apart from everyone else in the room? Before we can fully answer this question you must first understand there are two types of narcissists: Cerebral — people who feed their narcissistic needs from their intelligence, academic, or professional achievements. Examples would be evangelists, CEOs, professors, physicians etc. And Somatic — people who feed their narcissistic needs from their physicality, exercise, physical and sexual prowess including their “conquests”. Examples would be models, professional athletes, actors etc. We will be discussing the latter of the two in this volume. This is the personality type that I have personally dealt with in former relationship.
As I stated before upon meeting this person one of the first things you will notice is their outward appearance. They have their own flair for style. Most have the ability to dress to the nines without being overstated. Their hair will be perfectly coiffed, and their hygiene impeccable. If it’s a guy you can expect him to have perfectly starched shirts, crisp collars, shined shoes (you know how we look at the shoes ladies), and he will smell good to boot. Dirty nails and run over shoes will not find their way onto a somatic narcissist’s body. And speaking of bodies, they worship theirs to the point of almost living at the gym. The same rules apply if the narcissist is a woman. She will be put together from head to toe. At a first glance the average man may see her perfectly manicured nails and Manolo Blahniks as being high maintenance. And he would be right in doing so. As a matter of fact this is an understatement, the level of pampering that this woman will require will lead you straight to the poor house. Hold on to your debit card and run for your life!
Let’s peel back the layers of this person at bit before we move on. The narcissist is obsessed with delusions of self-grandeur. They feel superior to other mere mortals. They feel like everyone is envious of them and their looks, status, or achievements (real or imagined). The facade they put on for the world is a sharp contrast of who they really are. Inside most are very insecure and even self-conscious about their looks. In fact once you look deeper inside the person, past their good looks, clothes and personal toys you will find out that they are VERY shallow. And not at all as deep as they would have you to believe. So to compensate for this they choose to over compensate with their twisted view of how the world should see them. They MUST have the best of everything they can possibly afford. For some it won’t matter if they can afford it or not. They are not above lying, cheating, or stealing to acquire their desired possessions. They must drive the top of the line vehicle, dress in the latest fashions, dine in the finest of restaurants, and have the most beautiful home on their block. As far as their mate; this person must be (in their mind) the most beautiful woman or handsome man in the world to stand beside them. This is where you come in. You most likely attracted them first with your looks. Keep in mind the standards that the narcissist have set for themselves in search of a mate and you can count yourself as pretty damn good looking! Now before you go getting all excited you need to understand two things. Number one being the answer to the title of this chapter “why me.” Yes they chose you because you are handsome or beautiful, but make no mistake that’s not what they chose to keep you around. You not only fit the bill in the looks department, but you fell for their charms as well. They were able to “woo” you into believing that they were this wonderful person who, just like you is looking to settle down with that someone special. Any weakness or desires that you may possess they have sniffed out and you are locked in their radar beam for the second half of their plan or reason they picked you. The second reason is narcissists CRAVE adoration and attention. This is called narcissistic supply or NS. This is what you will be required to feed them on a constant basis lest you feel their wrath. Narcissistic Supply is the name given to the way narcissists need attention. They feed on this attention. It’s their drug of choice. And guess who gets to give that attention? Yes that’s right you! Anyone will do to serve this purpose, but you happen to be the closest person to them the majority of the time, especially if you guys are in a serious relationship or are married. You are around most of the time so you get the job of showering them with attention and stroking their ego whether you want it or not.
Everyone loves a little attention every now and then. However the narcissist takes this to an extreme level. They are an addict for it. By giving a narcissist attention, you’re providing their narcissistic supply. It is an ongoing job and for THIS reason alone they chose a mate in the first place. Bear in mind that this NS they require doesn’t always have be received in the form of complements and accolades. ANY form of attention will do. It could in the form of you constantly need to feed their sexual appetite to cussing their ass out for doing something dumb or saying something hateful. It could come in the form of constant arguments or defending yourself from the brigade of insults they hurl once realty sets in and they realize you are not this fantasy person they dreamed you up to be. I always like to say an abuser will compliment you enough to keep you around, yet insult you enough to keep you insecure. However we are still at the “put your best face forward” stage, so this ugly monster won’t rear its head until a little later down the line.
So in summing up this chapter we see that our abuser is a shallow attention whore. Yeah I said it! And your sole purpose is to feed that attention. They put on a show for the world and hide their true emotions and feelings. They use their looks and material possessions to acquire success, money, sex, spouses, adoration, and attention. Sounds twisted right? Keep reading, it gets deeper.
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